Debunking the Confidence Myth & Loving Your Dweebish-ness |
There’s a fraudulent myth going around about what it takes to be truly, genuinely, courageously confident, and I desperately want to debunk said myth.
I wanna dismantle it.
Run it over with my car.
Chainsaw it into little bits and pieces that are impossible to glue back together.
Because we need to let go of our current idea of what mythical Confidence looks like, and curate a new understanding of what true Confidence actually is, and how it functions. Brace yourself.
Current myth: Most of us view very confident people, and assess that their doo-doo must not stink.
Yeah, "confident people" just give no fucks. That's why they're so confident.
They never trouble themselves with what other people think, and truly believe that they are the hottest thing in town. Confident people know, they just know, that they're the bee’s knees. They can do no wrong.
They are liked and loved and popular and prosperous and are naturally really, really good-looking.
All of these things may or may not be true, but if you’re wanting to work on boosting your own confidence, here’s what you need to understand:
Confidence isn’t about recognizing and flaunting how great you are 24/7.
Confidence is more about being comfortable with how great you are not.
AKA: Not minding that your doo-doo stinks. Cause it definitely does; there’s no avoiding that.
True confidence comes when you're okay with the fact that well, you give many fucks. But you own it. (Versus letting it own you.)
And sure, you worry about what other people think...but you also recognize that other people worry about what you think, and isn’t that funny? That we all do that?? Chuckles.
True confidence is knowing that there will be days where you are the opposite of the bee’s knees. Days where you royally screw up and get it wrong, and that is super-duper, very much, okay.
“It’s all good,” says True Confidence. Because you don’t need to be right all the time. You don’t need everyone to love you. You can be unpopular. You'll live.
Because we’re all just tiny little humans trying very hard, and not everyone looks in the mirror everyday and stands back in awe of how very, very good-looking they are. Especially first thing in the morning.
Who seems more confident to you:
Someone who waltzes around constantly asserting how great he or she is? Desiring other people to back down in awe of how fantastically self-assured and take-no-shit they are?
Or someone who can openly admit that they have their off-days. That they don’t alway feel like a million bucks. That they are at peace with their flaws and shortcomings, and understand that those things don’t detract from their value as a human being.
If you want to be more confident, a great place to start is by releasing the pressure to constantly puff yourself up.
“I’m the best! Y’all better LOOK OUT!”
You don't need to think you're the best. You don't even need to believe that you're all that great, really.
Instead, how about beginning to let go of beating yourself down?
“Meh, maybe I don’t need to be the best. Maybe I can just be me.”
You might be awkward, goofy, or painfully shy.
Dweeby, anxious, and a little bit insecure.
And, as a result, you probably believe you cannot be confident, because “confident people” aren’t like that.
No, actually. Confident people are sometimes exactly like that, they just don’t have a problem with being that way.
“Yeah, I’m an anxious dweeb - a big one. And I’m cool with it. In fact, I love that about me.”
We need to stop apologizing and over-compensating for all of the things we believe devalue us.
We must stop viewing these qualities, traits, and habits as reasons for why we are not allowed to be comfortable in our own skin.
This new, true brand of confidence is all about owning your shit and making friends with it. Admitting that you are not a rad, bad boss all the time, and that you really don’t need to be. (Cause no one is.) True confidence comes when you grant yourself permission to be an ongoing work in progress.
Until you can live with the fact that you’ll never be the prettiest / smartest / hottest / coolest girl in the room, true confidence will continue to evade you.
Because you don’t need to be that girl; she’s part of the myth. And heck, as long as Beyonce’s around, we’re all going feel at least a little bit inferior.
Stop worrying about all of the ways in which you are not enough.
Begin to open up and accept the seemingly unconfident parts of you. Solely because they are a part of you.
You've denied them long enough. Those qualities make up gigantic, lovable portions of who you are, and they want to be recognized, not shunned.
I dare you to stand in the mirror and risk loving your shyness. Try praising your goof-ballish-ness. Cherish your thinning hair. Your wrinkles. That bump in your nose. Whatever it is, the second you can start making peace? Owning? Loving it, even?
Boom.
True confidence begins.
There’s no need to wait. You’ve waited long enough. And real, honest-to-God, knowing-it-in-your-bones, true confidence? She continues to wait for you.