Stop Spreading the Fear-Fire in Your Quest for Great Love, You Sweet Ninny

What if true love just doesn’t happen for you?

Seriously, what if…true love…just doesn’t…happen…for you...?

[GULP]

Not so fun to tune into and think about - is it?

And yet — do you find yourself succumbing to this fear, ever-so-often?

Asking yourself this painful question?

Standing in line for your AM coffee behind a cute couple sharing headphones, giggling and playfully arguing over who’s buying whose coffee this morning, SO ADORBS!

And you find yourself wanting to scald them with your impending latte because HOW DARE THEY FLAUNT THEIR LOVE LIKE THIS.

What if true love just doesn’t happen for you?

Getting an invitation to a holiday party, knowing you very well might be the only un-coupled person there, amidst a sea of wives and husbands and fiances and partners and beloveds and all these snatched-up folks, and you’re the odd weirdo out who missed the memo to pair up Noah’s Ark-style for the impending apocalypse? Fuckkkkk whyyyyyyy--

What if true love just doesn’t happen for you?

WATCHING “LOVE ACTUALLY” AND ADORING EVERY MINUTE BUT ALSO REGRETTING IT COMPLETELY BECAUSE AS EMMA THOMPSON DISCOVERS THAT JONI MITCHELL CD (#JUSTICEFOREMMA) THERE IS THIS ICKY AWFUL “LOVE AIN’T REAL” FEAR BUBBLING TO THE SURFACE YUP YOU KNOW WHAT’S COMING—

What if true love just doesn’t happen for you?!

Ohhhh sweetness. I feel you. I get that fear.

I understand that fear with every fiber of my being. I have been there, and I have sat with one hundred women in the ugly grip of that fear-chair, and I have learned one very important truth:

That question leads you nowhere even close to good.

Isn’t it funny how we ask ourselves the most painful, shudder-worthy questions (“What if true love just doesn’t happen for me?”), and actually think that it’s useful and/or helpful…

Like it is in any way beneficial to suggest that you are somehow cosmically disqualified from experiencing great love? Like it’s helpful to sit and stew in basically your deepest fear EVER??

Now of course, we don’t ask this question because we think it is helpful…

We ask ourselves this question because we want to prepare ourselves for the worst.

We think we’re being “practical” and “realistic”, by playfully entertaining our deepest fear.

We believe we’re being wise — to brace ourselves for the worst, in case what we truly want never comes to fruition. Isn’t that what smart people do?

Oh love-bug. Worshipping at the feet of fear is neither practical, nor realistic, nor wise, nor smart.

You’re just spending lots of time torturing yourself. That’s it.

When you ask yourself that question, you are setting yourself on fire again, and again, and again, with your most toxic fear. It’s a kerosene question and all too often, you light the match. Don’t you? Yes — asking the fearful, “What if…” questions is a very dangerous game.

So I am going to make an audacious, crazy-sounding suggestion:

What if you started preparing yourself for the best?

Think about it:

How differently would you live your life if you believed in your bones that actually -- your great love is guaranteed?

How would you view sweet-coffee-couple if you knew that it was only a matter of time (mere moments, potentially!) before you intersect with your sweet-special-someone?

How might you experience that upcoming party if you had full faith that this was going to be your last holiday season spent solo? That next year could be and would be completely different?

That you are not cosmically disqualified -- you’re actually divinely ordained to be the recipient of a greatest-love-yet kinda love??

I don’t pose these questions because I’m some kind of magical fortune teller, who can predict when and how you and Great Love will intersect.

I only pose these questions because we spend so much time imagining the worst possible outcome, it’s a non-negotiable essential that we take a few quality seconds to entertain the better-than-best possibilities:

Your life is not destined to be doom-and-gloom.

This single chapter is not guaranteed to be your forever.

Your Great Love is guaranteed.

So go ahead and sit in that painful “What if…?” if you must, but know that the more you sit and squirm in fear, the less fun you have.

The more the fear-fire spreads.

The more desolate it all seems.

The more hardened and hopeless you become.

The more you abandon yourself and relinquish the reins of our life to fear and doubt and worry -- all forms of misspent self-protection.

(Because that’s all fear is ever wanting to do: Protect you. But gosh, she can do it in the most painful ways, with the most paralyzing questions.)

What if true love just doesn’t happen --

Nope. No more. Interrupt that flow. Say, “Sayonara,” to that sad, sorry, Q.

Try entertaining the inevitability of your Greatest-Love-Yet. Just for a minute or two...

Sit in the space of “It’s only a matter of time…” and “He’s out there looking for me too…” and “Wow I can’t wait to jump his hottie-hot bones…”

Let your heart flood with these thoughts, these images, this available source of fear-soothing possibility.

The choice is always yours (fear, or nah?), but please choose wisely.

SIDENOTE: This was originally a post sent out exclusively to email subscribers — but it felt too vital not to share! If you want to get regular emails like this from me, you can scroll down and enter your email address. I’ll come to your inbox to conquer your deepest fears at least once a week. xo

Amy Young3 Comments