3 Simple Practices for Honing, Owning, and Cultivating White-Hot Resilience
Latest video on resilience, and why it's a big old key to taking more risks in life--romantically and otherwise. Not necessary viewing per sé, but click the link and watch anyway! Like most things we "should" work on within ourselves (y'know, the usual well-intended stuff like self-love, finding your passion, and the ability to stop hitting "snooze" eventually...), experts are quick to share the benefits of these inner gifts, but often aren't great at sharing the nitty-gritty, practical, day-to-day "how-to" details.
I AIN'T THAT KIND OF EXPERT.
Mostly 'cause I'm not an expert at all, I just know what's worked for me and dozens of clients I've worked with who crave more adventure, reward, and overall sense of badassery in their daily lives. We're talkin' MEGA, capital-R, Resilience! YEEHAW!!
Here are three simple practices for increasing how truly capable, courageous, and "CAN'T TOUCH THIS" you are.
1) MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE SURVIVED. YES--ORTHODONTIC HEAD GEAR ABSOLUTELY COUNTS.
Y'all, this journey through life can be describe in many ways. And one of them is HARD.
We have all known pain and hurt, we have all experienced sorrow, doubt, confusion, and perhaps even existential dread.
And we have all surviiiiiived.
Take note (like with actual pen & paper) of everything you have already overcome in your time on planet earth, and start giving yourself the much over-due credit. Here's some fun examples:
- Being born! Coming out of a vagina is scary, y'all!
- High school! Seriously horrific stuff!
- Your first yoga class! Who knew downward dog could be THAT hard?!
- Your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend and her cute bubble-butt friends bumping into you at the gym when you looked insanely haggard and sweaty!
- Your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend showing up at that party unexpectedly and you having to act super cool even though you wanted to cry 'n die on the inside!
Instead of being ashamed of the tough shit you've had to face and fumble through, how about patting yourself on the back for all the ways in which you continued to venture forth, even when everything completely sucked?
If you can begin to feel empowered through hard times, you'll begin to look forward to hard times, knowing that no matter what you're completely safe, secure, and can get through anything. Taking stock of your own survival skills is a fabulous way to turbo-charge resilience.
2) BOTTLE IT UP, BABY.
Looking for "Evidence of Resilience" in your daily life is an awesome, ongoing way to feel like a brave, strong, soul who will always land on her feet.
Find an empty vessel (a recycled tissue box, mason jar, or special keepsake container) and each day take a few moments to recall any tough or painful moments that you managed to wiggle your way through. Write it down on a post-it or strip of paper, and drop it in the box.
Stuff like, "Woke up in a funk, managed to take a shower and get to work on time," is a WIN. So is "Family decision to put down our cat," as well as, "Insanely stressful meeting with Carole from HR."
Most folks who don't see themselves as inherently resilient are very strong, resourceful, creative, and high-functioning. The issue is that they don't actually notice how strong, resource, creative, and high-functioning they are.
This exercise is designed to clue you into how many small (or huge) struggles you might be facing on a daily basis, and how you manage to navigate them with a steadfast heart, or at least a willingness to put one damn foot in front of the other.
Let your vessel for daily wins serve as a physical reminder of your own ever-present resilience. When you feel weak or risk-averse, glance over and remember WHAT A BOSS YOU ACTUALLY ARE.
3. LOOK FOR THE LEARNING AND DRINK YOUR LEMONADE.
How skilled are you at taking life's sourest lemons and turning them into beautiful, delectable, resilience-fueled LEMONAAADE?
Do you tend to sit in your pile of lemons and proclaim, "Woe is me!"? Or do you find ways to sweeten that shit by learning, growing, and even offering gratitude for that which has pained you, but has also made you strong as a mothereffin ox, sweetheart.
Highly resilient individuals manage to find silver linings and golden nuggets of wisdom in ALL of their experiences. Even the really shitty, awful, sucky stuff.
When you can readily convert your pain into a platform for learning, pain becomes a veritable blessing.
And of course, yes, duh--I know that life-lemons and pain suck, and it's hard to legitimately feel like it's ever a good thing when you're fucking going through it, but I'm just saying that pain is a GIVEN so we gotta find a way to work with it.
And looking for the learning, treating your trials and tribulations like gifts, figuring out how getting stood up on prom night has actually helped you be amazing and awesome, is a wonderful way to work through pain and begin viewing yourself as endlessly rad and resilient AF.
You, my buttercup babe, are a veritable rock star! Can you start owning that? Can you increase your overall sense of resilience? Can you dedicate some time and effort to noticing how much you slay, instead of how much you suck?
PRETTY PLEASE MAKE ALL OF THIS A PRIORITY. Find ways to take stock of your own survival, begin to notice your everyday triumphs, and always reach for the lemonade of learning. This is how you grow. This is how you help yourself through hard times. This is how you begin to see that big scary goal you want to accomplish as not so big and scary at all...
Because you and I both know that you've seen, felt, and experienced some shitty shit. And you made it. You continue to make it. You're ever-evolving and always onto the next thing, continue to live and breathe and learn and figure all of this out, even when you feel like throwing the towel in. The towel need not be thrown, unless it's back in the ring for the next round.
You got this, you've always had this--that's the truth. Start seeing it that way.