If You Can Handle Trader Joe's at 5pm on a Friday, You Can Find Love in the 21st Century
I have two highly effective rules for when I grocery shopping, and they happen to be the same two same rules I follow (and encourage my clients to follow) when it comes to the pursuit of good, sweet, everlasting love.
If we all just followed THESE TWO SIMPLE RULES, we would waste less time, put up with less bullshit, feel more better/happier/joyous-er on a more regular basis, and get a lot closer to our ideal match. More sooner.
This I swear. By the moon and the stars in the sky. Please just follow these efficiency-guaranteeing, mouth-watering rules:
1) Don't go to the grocery store when you’re hungry.
It’s Thursday night post-yoga.
You're friggin tired, and you didn't eat dinner after work because traffic was a nightmare and you can't be late to Becky’s “Fire & Flow” class. She is the best but her classes fill up so fast. It's actually kind of annoying.
But as it turns out, you rushing over there was totally worth it! Cause you leave class sweaty but zen, and decide to head to Trader Joe’s before it closes in 35 minutes. Eek.
As you rip outta the parking lot you start thinking about tomorrow’s performance review with your new supervisor (ugh), and find yourself feeling a little anxious...
Your phone buzzes and it’s a reminder from your Mom that Dad’s birthday is this weekend, and you still didn’t get him a gift. Dammit...
You hop outta the car, suddenly noticing how mothereffing starving you are.
Your stomach rumbles and makes that weird, wet, squelching noise as you head towards the glowing entrance of TJ’s like a wild lioness ready to go in on some fresh, juicy hyena butt.
20 minutes later you walk out with everything from gummi bears to chocolate-peppermint Puffins to pork dumplings to four different blocks of cheese (blueberry infused goat?!) and a few of those delicious but deadly microwaveable quiches and like, three unique versions of frozen pizza.
So much for “#healthyliving”. So much for “#cleaneating”. Fuck! You’ll be eating this crap for weeks.
But come on, you didn’t stand a chance.
You were tired, hungry, stressed, pressed for time, and everything looked good. Especially the stuff you know is bad for you! You’re only human, what were you gonna do—skip the gourmet peanut butter cups at the check-out? Please!
THE SAME IS TRUE WHEN YOU WANDER DOWN AISLES OF SINGLE, AVAILABLE MEN, AND YOUR LIFE IS CONSISTENTLY LACKING.
If you are single and “hungry” (aka: lonely, sad, unworthy-feeling, desperate, etc…) you do not stand a chance at choosing a great partner or a thriving relationship.
You’re weak. You’re under-nourished. Your judgment is cloudy. You’ll settle for anyone, anything, because it looks good and feels a lot better than nothing.
You’re so empty-feeling and dissatisfied, you’ll choose the male equivalent of thick-cut bacon slathered in salted caramel gelato.
Which sure, tastes awesome in the beginning, but after continued consumption? Will slowly begin to rot away your insides.
Bacon-Gelato Boys are tempting and fun in the beginning, but only leave you lusting for more and feeling less-than.
But listen, when you hit the grocery (and the dating scene) from a place of fullness and satisfaction, it’s easier to walk past tempting but toxic treats, and make better, healthier choices.
You know what would benefit you to have in your fridge (and in your life) in the coming weeks/months.
You know what helps you feel fulfilled, energized, fueled up, and nourished long-term, and you enjoy choosing those things.
When you pursue love from a place of deep fulfillment and already-existing satisfaction, momentarily yummy just ain’t enough anymore.
You know you need a lot more than a flashy, charming, salted caramel smile. You don’t want empty relationship calories. You want the REAL, NUTRIENT-DENSE, DEAL.
So it is imperative that you fill yourself up first.
Fix your own life. Feed your soul. Feel good first. Then hit the scene. You’ll make better choices, feel more fulfilled, and be proud of yourself for doing so, too.
2) Don't go to the grocery store without a list.
What happens when you go to the grocery store without any knowledge of what you actually need?
Don’t you feel kind of aimless? Overwhelmed?
Don’t you find yourself picking the wrong items, or wasting time trying to remember if you actually need almond butter, or if you still have that extra jar at home?
Grocery shopping without a list is inefficient. It’s tiresome. It’s confusing. You don’t know what you want or need, you get distracted by (again) tasty-but-toxic products, you waste your energy wandering down the same aisle four times...part of you thinks you should just go home and come back when you’re more organized and on top of it.
I WOULD SUGGEST YOU DO THAT BEFORE DATING, TOO.
Know what you’re looking for. Know what you need. Know what would complement your already-existing ingredients. Know what your life is currently missing.
Also know what you need to not buy anymore.
No, you really don't need to sample another guy who's cute but reminds you of your awful ex. No, you don't need someone who still doesn't know how to pay his own bills. No, you don't need another sexy but messed up wannabe Dan Bylzerian. Because ew.
Know yourself, know your weaknesses, know what’s really good for you, know what makes you feel awesome, and do not forget what you know, or just ignore it. Honor your (figurative or literal) list!
Because if you have “broccoli, arugula, chickpeas, chicken” on your groery list, you are going to seek out those things and not wander into the baking aisle and buy funfetti cake mix plus two tubs of frosting just cause you feel like it, cause that stuff ain’t on your list.
In the exact same way, if you have “kind, respectful, intelligent, self-sufficient” on your must-have list for a partner, you are much less likely to say YES to a guy (aka: put him in your cart and take him home with you) who possesses none of those qualities. Your simple awareness and knowing of what you want and need will keep you accountable.
Whether we’re grocery shopping or husband shopping (ha, what a concept), lists help. Keep it clear for yourself, and don't stray from the list. At least not too far...I mean, we're all human. Sometimes a girl needs some bacon frosting. ;)
If you start putting your personal fulfillment and satisfaction first, and finding a man second, I promise you will notice a shift in the quality of men you find yourself drawn to.
And if you can get used to owning what it is you actually want and need in a partner, I promise you'll have an easier time sifting through the new awesome men that are getting drawn into your life.
In short: Get clear, have fun, eat good food, date good men. In that order. Buh-bam.