5 Awesome Activities to Employ While You Kill Time Waiting for Mr. Right |
Even if you’re a moderately successful, relatively happy, confident most-days-of-the-week kinda person...sometimes being single just sucks.
It can feel unfair, or even wrong. Why do all these other people (who don’t even seem to work on it or try, for gosh sakes) get into awesome relationships, and you’re stuck spooning solo in the middle of the bed, with one toothbrush by the sink, and no date for your cousin’s wedding next month?
And because you're so awesome and self-aware, then you get down on yourself for even feeling that way, because you're supposed to be loving yourself and loving your life and not looking for love, cause that’s when it shows up, right? When you're not looking?? Jeez.
It’s hard to put the love-finding binoculars down, but it’s ultimately way more fulfilling when you’re not stressing over when or how the next special guy is gonna show up in your life.
In order to do that, your point of focus will likely need to change. If you want to have a good time “waiting” for the right one (I put “waiting” in quotes because I don’t think any of us should be waiting for anyone or anything, really), here are 5 of my favorite practices and activities to prioritize if you want to feel more satisfied, whole, and happy as your bad, bitchin’, single self.
1) Own your awesomeness every damn fuckin' day.
APPRECIATE YO’SELF, HOMES.
Praise yourself. Compliment yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be generous with yourself. Prioritize your feelings and well-being. Treat yourself like someone you love very deeply. Ask yourself what you need, feel how you’re feeling, check in with yourself, plan enjoyable things to look forward to, celebrate your accomplishments, and enjoy your own company.
Get enough sleep, eat fruits and veggies, move your bangin' body, and thank yourself afterwards. Get really, really nerdy-intense-consistent with all of this.
Most of us are wonderful, caring, lovely and lovable people, yet we act like we’re anything but. We tell ourselves we’re messed up/screwy/crazy/awful and criticize ourselves about all the ways we’re letting ourselves (and others) down.
It’s takes consistent effort to change that conversation into a happier, more loving, supportive one. It means letting go of the idea that beating yourself up, or being hard on yourself ever helps.
So remember this: When you love someone, you want them to be happy, you want them to feel good about who they are, you want them to know how much you appreciate them. The same is true for you with you. If you don’t feel like you love yourself, reverse engineer that shit. Act loving, and you’ll start loving.
What are you not giving yourself credit for that you actually could be?
How are you doing a good job right now?
What do other people comment on, appreciate, acknowledge, or notice about you that you tend to shrug off or invalidate? Can you stop doing that? Can you start seeing yourself as wonderful and worthwhile?
At the start of every day write down 3-5 things to do to take care of yourself that day. At the end of every day write down 3-5 things you want to celebrate and give yourself credit for. Own your awesome. We all have heaps of it, and it’s going terribly unnoticed.
2) Own your kinda shittiness, too.
Babe, let’s face it. You are a work. in. progress. And you always will be.
I recently began working with a therapist again and I was astonished by the waves of discomfort that washed over me the first few weeks of our sessions together. She was tuning me into shit that I hadn’t thought about or dealt with in years. As a coach, it’s easy to feel like my own awareness and personal exploration is enough, but we all need objective, outside help sometimes.
Whatever you need help with right now, know that you are so not alone. And the fact that you’re recognizing it, and willing to work on it, speaks volumes about your character, commitment, and courage. Acknowledging when you’re struggling and asking for help isn’t easy. Everyone has their off-days, their off-years, painful personal struggles and dark pasts that can wreak havoc if un-checked.
You don’t need to be perfect to attract or align with the right partner, but you do need to have a healthy grasp and understanding of what you’re working with.
You will never get to a point where you feel completely and totally 100% satisfied with all areas of your life. There is always new junk to explore, increase the satisfaction around, or ease up on. This is true whether you’re single or in relationships, so it’s really important to remember that your relationship to you isn’t going anywhere. And being in a healthy relationship with yourself means owning your awesome, and also facing your ugly.
When we gives ourselves permission to be human (to be brilliantly beautiful and equally flawed), our daily lives get so much easier. We stop thinking we need to be perfect, and recognize that it’s okay to just be. It really is.
3) Go ahead, cut loose and have some fun.
Don’t fall into the frequent trap of thinking your fun, high-flying life adventure will begin the moment your find Mr. Perfect Wonderful. Your life is happening right now before your very eyes, under your feet, all around you. There are opportunities to engage in fun, laughter, lightness, and good old fashioned tom-foolery every day of the week.
Do you even know what “fun” is for you these days? Have you really evaluated that in awhile? Don’t just give the by-rote answers so many of us subscribe to (Netflix? Margarita Fridays?).
When was the last time you had a really good laugh, or felt super light-hearted, or extra alive? What were you doing? Who were you with? What was it like? Have you prioritized that lately?
Making joy a priority is an active choice. Especially if you've been thinking that the good times in your life will come later, y’know, once you’re married or something, you have to rewind that tape and realize that fun and happiness are habits and things we can cultivate constantly.
Your brand of fun and happiness might take some time to discover, so play with it. PLAY. PLAAAAAY!
4) Expand your horizons.
Where are you holding yourself back? What are you telling yourself you can or cannot do? And have you questioned that shit lately?
I’ve done a significant amount of travel this year on my own, and it’s completely changed how I view myself and what I’m capable of.
The first couple of trips to the airport I was practically shaking because I was so nervous about it. What if I missed my connecting flight? What if my luggage went missing? What if I got lost? What if my passport got stolen? What if something awful happened and my life was irrevocably fucked as a result? (Dramatic, much?)
I never thought I would be someone who could go on vacation by herself, or get up and move across the country for any period of time, but it turns out (like most humans) I’m a pretty poor judge of what I’m capable of. This goes back to not giving ourselves credit for how functional, smart, strong, and awesome we are (see point 1). We doubt that we can figure things out, have shit hit the fan, and land on our feet with flying colors.
Now you might read that and think, “Hell, I’ve been flying alone since I was 12 - what’s the big deal?”
It was a really big deal for me! That was a personal horizon I wanted to explore and expand. We all have them. What’s yours?
Without sounding too motivational speaker-y, YO - you can do anything, if you stop telling yourself you can’t or that you're just not “one of those people”. Nobody thinks they are one of those people until they try being one of those people and realize they actually are. You’re one of those people, too.
Ohhh this one might be my favorite.
Let’s acknowledge the reality here. You do want a partner. You absolutely want that magical, amazing, life-fueling relationship and romantic connection. You wouldn’t be reading this article if you didn’t, right?
And it’s great to remember that we can be happy on our own, that we can be wholly satisfied as a single person, that we don’t have to wait for someone to start our lives, to have fun, to feel appreciated or live how we want to live. So if we don’t wanna sit around and wait for them…how about we dream about them?
I’m not suggesting this from a place of, “dream it to manifest it!” I’m simply suggesting this from a place of “HOLY SHIT IT CAN FEEL SO GOOD TO LET YOURSELF DREAM”.
Try this: Wherever you are right now, imagine “he” is nearby. Your guy. That magical man. He’s here. You’ve got him. He’s yours, and your his, and it’s grand.
Maybe he’s in the other room, maybe he’s sitting right next to you, or maybe he’s stepped outside for a quick phone call. Here you are, reading this article, living your life, and your perfect partner is present and available to you just a few feet way (or less).
You have unlimited imagination, so really let yourself go there. Dream. Imagine it. Envision it. Close your eyes if you want to.
What do you notice? How do you feel?
Is it comforting? Elating? Do you feel at ease? Relaxed? Safe? Excited? What do you want to say to him? How do you want him to look at you? To acknowledge you? What do you notice about his energy, his presence, his demeanor? How does he feel? Tune into this presence.
For just a minute or two, I am asking you to extract yourself from the thoughts of, “But he’s not here, and I’m alone, and this is silly/stupid/pointless…” And just play pretend for a little while. We’re all so good at it as children and then we grow up and are supposed to be practical (boring), realistic (lame), and reasonable (ugh).
If it feels good, dream. Make this specific dream a frequent head and heart space. It’s always available, so why not go there?
When I do this exercise with clients most of them are astonished by how comforting and real it feels. They can actually activate their desired feelings for companionship, closeness, and connection all by themselves. It’s like mental & emotional masturbation. Yeah, I said that.
You don't need to wait for someone else to see you, acknowledge you, accept you, challenge you, have fun with you, or dream up a magical existence with you. You can do those things with yourself, by yourself, whenever you see fit.
So go on and get yourself off. Why wait?