Befriending Your Insecurities, and Other Seemingly Impossible Tasks
What's that? Amy made another video laden with Disney Princess references to illustrate a point about the often severed relationship we have with ourselves and how we can presto-change-o FIX DAT SHIT? Oh m'gosh. Alert the press.
I like making Disney Princess references, you guys. They're just so ripe and ready for metaphor.
So in this week's video - Ready to Rid Yourself of Insecurity? Watch This. - I used Snow White's seven dwarves to answer a viewer's question on how to get over her insecurities so she can feel comfortable meeting men and not worry so much about what they think of her. Cause who hasn't been there, ammiright?
Here's the TL;DW (too long; didn't watch) breakdown:
You don't get over your insecurities. You don't get rid of your insecurities. Because everyone has insecurities EVERYONE.
The differentiating factor is that some women really understand that fat of life, and therefore don't see insecurity as a negative or drawback. They aren't insecure about their insecurities. They comfortably accept them as part of their package.
So what you should can do is start shifting your self-criticism and "not good enough-ness" by BEFRIENDING YOUR INSECURITIES. The more you can see the (sometimes bizarre) value in your insecurities, and have compassion for those parts of yourself, the more comfortable, confident, happy, and self-satisfied you'll be.
Today I want to share three of my favorite practices for actually doing that. Because it's one thing to talk about holding hands with your insecurities and riding off into the sunset, it's another thing to implement it and see feel-good results. Read on, Princess.
1) Consider the possibilities that might come out of befriending your insecurities.
If you and Insecurity X could get on friendlier terms, what goodness would come out of that?
WRITE IT DOWN.
Brainstorm everything. Imagine what it would be like to get a little more comfy-cozy with your needy nature, your quick-to-cry qualities, that weird face you make during orgasm, your big (beautiful) ass & thighs.
If you could be really fuckin' chummy with that stuff, what would change?
If I could get friendly with my curvier bottom half, I could/would/might...
- Have more fun shopping.
- Feel more comfortable at the beach this summer.
- Have sex with the lights on and actually enjoy myself.
- Wear what I really want, all the time.
- Stop comparing my beautiful body to other womens' beautiful bodies (how great would that be?!).
It's difficult to know where or how to start when you're well-practiced in hating on a specific aspect of yourself. But when you can easily identify the positives and potentially life-changing results of "getting friendly", you're a lot more enticed to mend the relationship. On the flipside, it's also valuable to consider...
2) What's the cost of not befriending my insecurities?
What will your life look like if insecurity continue to be the enemy? If you don't get friendlier or more accepting of the needier/clingier/awkward/nervous side(s) of you, what will happen?
Aside from the continued discomfort of self-rejection and loathing (which should really be motivation enough), remaining unfriendly also makes it hard to create and sustain meaningful connections with others.
If I like the idea of having little check-ins with my partner throughout the day via text, email, or a quick phone call at lunchtime, but I am INSECURE about wanting that, and I tell myself I SHOULDN'T be that way, and that's NEEDY, and EMBARRASSING, and WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME, then there's all this internal conflict which will eventually manifest as external conflict.
Because I want more communication but think it's wrong. And I probably feel very uncomfortable articulating it. And I am very busy rejecting that part of myself, so I imagine he'll probably reject it too. And I have labeled it in such a negative, shitty, unacceptable way that I can't even bear the fact that I'd like a "Hey good morning!" text every once in awhile.
Buttttt, if I'm super-duper comfortable with those wishes and ways of being? If I stop labeling myself as needy and just admit to myself (and anyone else who matters) that yeah, I dig consistent communication. That's how I roll. I need someone who can give me that, period, end-o-story.
EASY BREEZY BEAUTIFUL COVERGIRL, motherfuckers.
I know what I need. He knows what I need. Smooth(er) sailing.
When you can get friendly with your insecurities, they stop feeling like insecurities. They just start feeling like any other trait, preference, quality, or quirk.
3) Go on, hand-write a stream-of-consciousness letter to Insecurity X.
This exercise busts. down. doors.
When we single out a certain insecurity, and look it square in the eye, and have to actually communicate our thoughts and feelings with/on/about/to it? It's a recipe for big fat transformation.
Being at odds (insecure) with any part of yourself is like getting in a stupid fight with your best friend and holding that grudge for years. It'll kill you.
In your heart you know it was a stupid fight, you're not even sure what it was about...but dammit, you're still mad. And you're just upset. And your feelings are hurt and it's their fault.
Then the two of you get in a room together and within seconds of seeing one another you're half-laughing-half-crying because oh my gosh you forgot how much you LOVE each other and you've MISSED her and how did you let this go on for so long?!
That's what it feels like to come home to yourself. To stop rejecting and wishing away any part of yourself. To sit across the table from your deepest insecurity and have a conversation with it allows you to suddenly remember - oh yeah, I don't hate me. I LOVE ME.
It's an opportunity to hug every ounce of yourself and declare, "I'm sorry I've been so mean. I'm sorry I've misunderstood. I'm sorry I've been blaming you for what's wrong. You're not what's wrong. You're just little old me. We're in this together. Let's stop fighting forever, please."
A fight with your insecurities is a fight with YOU. And fighting with yourself is simply exhausting, frustrating, painful, and stupid. So settle in somewhere cozy with pen and paper, get quiet in your soul for a moment and write it out.
Get out the feelings and start the healing, bebe-cakes. You deserve your friendship. You deserve your love. Start giving it, and keep giving it.
Cause self-acceptance, ease, and love burst forth from an ENDLESS FOUNTAIN of exciting possibilities. You'll never be able to get enough, and you don't need to. You are the gift that keeps on giving, so quit being so damn stingy, will you? ;)